it's the asshole end of the year, but that means that our trip to london is that much closer. it's starting to feel real now - partially because i'm picking books up for my british friends. we have our hotel rooms booked. i'm ready.

we had a fun night last night with the hoovers (no link because they have nothing to link to). we drove up to wheaton and had dinner at sabang, which is the indonesian restaurant that i've been eating at for years now. and then we went to brookside gardens for their garden of lights event. it was pretty and impressive and fucking cold, in roughly that order. i'm sort of curious how carrie's photos came out. then we came back to springfield and had ice cream. it seems odd to have ice cream on one of the coldest days of the year, but it tasted good, so that's okay.

nothing else to talk about today. i mean, what have i done recently? nothing. so what do i have to post about? not much.

so anyway. i'm finishing up my chicken noodle soup and then we're off to the grocery store so shannon can buy cigarettes. and we'll rent a movie. and we're going out for dinner tonight. and stuff.

so there.

so i was talking to antimaim the other day, telling her about my adventures. she said "never tempt the muse" by deciding not to write. i should tempt the muse more often. i got another idea while i was sitting in torrid this afternoon. i'd finished my book and i had nothing else to entertain me, so i wrote a story. in my head. to entertain myself.

this is getting fun. i especially like coming up with titles. this one will be citizen ken and the sombrero of doom or a festive quartet. it's a caper, you see.

and i bought books today, too. stuff to read on the metro. cosmonaut keep was good. now i want more. a prayer for owen meeny. something by ballard. stories. books. good stuff. yum.

it's still fucking cold outside. i guess that's what we get for wondering why it wasn't so fucking cold for the rest of the month, huh?

we went out and bought books at barnes and noble last night. i got a jg ballard book (can't remember the title just now) and a book about egon schiele. and another one that looked interesting. then we went to the mall, had dinner and went shopping. shannon bought a nice coat at lane bryant and i bought some shirts and an ugly scarf at the gap. so now i have an ugly gap scarf, a goofy hat and a german army greatcoat that i bought in chicago. i'm set for winter.

nerve's photography for this week is not by a single photographer, but about a single model. her name is dita von teese and she has a whole website. incredible photos, too. the kind of stuff that i'd want to do. they're calling her the new bettie page and i can see why. take a look when you get a chance.

i signed up for this yesterday, but i don't know if it's working. take a look and see if you see me.

one of the more unusual things that came out of our shopping last night was the floor displays at lane bryant. they're printed on acetate and i was admiring them. the ladies behind the counter (who know shannon and, by extension, know me) told me that they just throw them out when they get new ones. that's a shame, i think. i'm going to have to go back and see what i can get from them. probably all of them. now, does anyone know where i can get huge pieces sliced into 8x10 sheets?

it's fucking cold outside. last night, it was freeze-your-nuts-off cold. today it's jesus-fucking-christ cold. i liked it better when it was unseasonably mild. eh. enough bitching about the cold. it's december, matt. deal with it.

i went out and had a drink with leah (the new-old friend from high school that i got reacquainted with at the reunion). i knew she was a nice person from her email conversations, but it's always nice when that comes out in person, too. we talked about literary theory and old relationships and our families and a lot of other drek. you know, normal talk that you have with friends you don't see very often. it was a lot of fun, actually. we could have talked for another two hours, but she had to meet a former student for dinner. so there you go. i'm sort of sad that i wasn't her friend in high school, but that's okay because i'm her friend now. and it's always good to have a friend that's a writer so you can talk about writing. you know?

it's quiet in my office this morning. the hallway is dark and there's really nobody in yet. i say yet because it's only 9:15 but i've been here for an hour and a half already. come in early, leave early. it's a good system and i like it.

oh. and i think i'm going to call the new story stephanie doesn't answer the phone anymore. it's a working title. subject to change without notice and all of that.

holiday updates ahoy!

so sarah gave me some good notes for the podium on friday night. that was cool. and she had some good things to say, too. that's always nice. the comments have been shelved for the time being, though. i don't want to think about those stories until march (at least). she also gave me a silk scarf hand-made by tibeten monks. that was really cool.

saturday, we went to catacomb and had the usual craziness. not bad craziness, more like zany craziness. (ooh. and now i feel like i'm part of the catacomb you-know-what team.)

sunday, we went to annapolis and had dinner with my aunt, my parents and it was good.

monday, shannon woke me up early so she could open her presents. most of them wouldn't fit in the stocking so hers was kind of sadly. but she liked what she got, so that was cool. i got more mascots for my monitors at work (monkey, duck and giraffe) and a new yo-yo (a duncan imperial). and a hat. i like the hat. i've been wearing it a lot. lunch with my parents was cool and dad won at scrabble more than he should have. i suspect cheating.

we each got a $25 gift card for borders and a $25 gift card for barnes and noble. we're lining up our book lists now...

and yesterday we had chinese food for lunch and saw the royal tenenbaums, which was a most excellent movie. i want to see it again. it was that good. there's a bit in it where they play stephanie says by the velvet underground. i came home, tucked shannon in for her nap (four day weekend and she only got one nap - poor dear), and started thinking about the song. next thing i know, i have the plot of a whole new novel. what the fuck? where does all this stuff sit in my head? am i cursed to keep coming up with story ideas? fuck.

greg had to work late on tuesday, so no lord of the rings. but that's okay, really. we would have been out until one in the morning. but it sucks for him. they kept changing the hours of the restaurant. right up until the last minute, too. merry christmas!

it's almost time for the holidays. everyone has seen lord of the rings except me. this doesn't disturb me as much as you might think, though. someone asked me if i was excited about seeing it and my response was "when does that come out again?" seriously. last night, though, i made plans to see it on christmas night with my cousin greg, who is working christmas day (he volunteered). shan and i are seeing the royal tenenbaums the same day. so that's okay. right?

i still have to do some last minute shopping for shannon because i didn't get paid until today (poo!). but i know what i'm going to get, so it's less like shopping and more like buying. speaking of shopping, we used peapod for the first time last night. it worked very nicely...

what else? not much. a nifty map of springfield. and the funniest joke ever told. supposedly. i'm not so sure.

the message i sent out this morning read as follows:

okay. i finally finished everything. the last chapter of weapons of devotion, an extra chapter of not fish; duck (along with some pesky formatting problems) and now i'm DONE. no more submitting to the tyranny of these characters and their problems. i hereby declare the rest of 2001 to be writing free.

the whole trilogy is complete. it starts with the podium, goes to not fish; duck and ends with weapons of devotion. shannon and i brainstormed last night and came up with the name objects and opportunities for a title to the trilogy as a whole.

starting the first week of february, i'll be restarting the souvenir koan with original fiction, updated every monday. until then, though, i'm on a steady diet of crayons and watercolors.

thanks to everyone for listening,
matt

and that pretty much sums it up. i haven't had a chance to do the word counts on the whole thing yet, but i imagine that it's pretty high. big numbers.

i ride the metro to work in the morning. just past the van dorn street station (on the north side of the tracks) is a construction site. i think they're building offices. what's odd is that they wood they're using to put up the framework is magenta-colored. no kidding. they've got an entire set of offices constructed and they're all magenta inside. it looks really unusual.

hmm.. magenta. that's a good word.

so i've been writing feverishly and i'm rilly close to finishing weapons of devotion. i can feel it. in fact, i can see the ending. i know what it's going to be (sort of). now i just have to write it down. and this time, i'm actually happy with where it's headed. here's hoping...

and i'm doing some minor art projects at home in the evenings. watercolors, crayons, sharpies. you know - mixed media. i like playing with color and abstraction. it's fun.

christmas has been good to me so far. my grandparents got me a copy of writers on writing. some good gems stand out:

I write because I am always at one remove from the world but have grown to like saying so. - Andre Aciman

No marks on paper can ever measure up to the word's music in the mind, to the purity of the image before it's ambush by language. - Mary Gordon

I missed discovering what I thought - or rather, watching what I thought I thought dissolving under my pen. I missed looking hard at things. I missed stalking a plot. I missed being ridden by my imagination, not so much into the sunset as through it. - Gish Jen

it makes for some very intense reading on the metro, to be honest.

shannon's mom got me a copy of booth and the bad angel, which features tim booth, lead singer of james (but not the lead singer for very much longer). i'm listening to this now. very, very interesting. i like. i like a lot. she also got me a copy of mmm skyscraper i love you, which is a book by tomato, the arts collective that underworld belongs to. in fact, the book was written while underworld was composing their album dubnobasswithmyheadman and it shows. i am so blown away by this book, it's not even funny. shannon said "that looks like your t-shirts." she is, of course, referring to the underworld t-shirts i made for myself. if that's not scary, i don't know what is.

the book itself is all in black and white. just a lot of work with type and words and overlapping black and white images. but specatcular. i'm really looking forward to spending several days poring over the images and designs in the book. i'm so excited.

i think i've decided that my art influences are tomato, dave mckean and jan saudek.

i keep forgetting to mention that i finished not fish; duck (to some scattered applause) on friday night. 77,000 words. i printed a copy yesterday and almost killed myself hauling it home. that's a big sucker. now i just have to knuckle down and kill weapons of devotion and i'm home free for the holidays...

monday morning and things are doing better. shan had some familial concerns on friday night, which made for restless sleeping and general anxiety. understandably so, in fact. it's tough to just be there. i kept wanting to do more for her, but i knew i couldn't do jack shit.

my dad broke his foot thursday ("snapped like a dry twig" was how he put it), so i had to go over and help them bring the christmas tree into the house. this involved a hacksaw and a hatchet and was actually kind of fun. i also discovered that my grandparents are in town, which was odd, because nobody told me. oh well.

saturday night, we went to lori's party, which was just fabulous. we had bunches of fun and then had to head out to catacomb so we could give andi her presents (it was andi's birthday - or the observence of andi's birthday). i also stopped by the bar and gave greg his t-shirt, which he liked a lot.

sunday, we went to the national gallery and saw three seperate exhibits in one day. whew. we saw some dutch landscapes, some renaissance portraits and some contemporary prints. lots of fun, actually. on the way home, though, a pebble flew up and smacked into my windshield, leaving a tiny little hole. bummer. the deductable on getting it fixed is $100. double bummer. oh well, life happens. or something like that.

not at all a slow day today. i'm trying to catch up on not fish; duck (which i was writing this time last year. go through the archives and notice how much fun i was having with this thing then). i don't really have all that much more to go, actually. it's just a matter of collecting my thoughts, which can get tricky when they're like toothpicks that have gone flying out of the box. no. wait. that's not the best metaphor cause they weren't in the box to begin with. try collecting fireflies. they're bright. they're seductive and they fly away really fast so you have to run to catch them.

yeah. i'm in good shape. why do you ask?

jenna's been updating her blog. good girl. but she refers to me as the blog police. how rude!

and my final profile is of neil gaiman. the man. the author. the machine. heh.

actually, he's one of the best authors around. he's definately one of my favorites. nobody can turn a phrase better than him. really. and he has a blog, to boot. so go. read him. enjoy him. laugh at his jokes and read his stories. because i said so.

okay, i'll admit it. wil wheaton was the next person i was going to put up her in profile. but he's flavor of the month right now, what with his profile over at salon. how can i compete with that? i can't. not really. but those of you who have been reading lately know that i've been reading his stuff for a while now. i'm not some johnny-come-lately wil wheaton fan. i'm old skool. (that's an odd thing to be proud of...)

so, instead, i'm going to deviate from my script and talk about moby. moby is cooler than cool. tiny little man with a bald head who comes up with some amazing music. funny, too. we saw him in concert and his between-song monologues were just as entertaining as the music. so moby gets wil's spot. that'll teach mr. wheaton not to get too popular, otherwise someone else gets your spot!

i did a lot of restructuring on not fish; duck yesterday and basically trimmed it into a shape that i'm satisfied with. not entirely, though. i still have to do the framing sequence that i'm hoping will lend some context and real structure to the story (now, doesn't that sound confident?). 67,000 words, though. that's how many are in the core that i just finished. that's a lotta words. wonder how many i can put in the frame? time to find out.

how does one begin to organize one's thoughts? by not speaking in the third person, for starters...

words. i like words. but, for some reason, words look odd to me. do you ever go back and find things you've written and wonder when a particular phrase or sentance came out of your head? i found one last night: he probably thinks prolific is something like an anti-abortion stance.

yeah. so i'm a word junkie.

i like the word meme. even better is when memes become metamemes. except that metameme just looks wrong - like it has too many me syllables in it. maybe it needs another ta, only flipped around. metamemeat. that looks like a much more interesting word, doesn't it? like something you'd want to say.

one more. despite my total antipathy to instant messaging in all forms (no offense, ladies) i accidentally downloaded aim yesterday afternoon. my hand slipped! honest! and i stumbled on the keyboard and registered. seriously. how else could i have ended up with excessiony as a name? that's not even a real word, is it?

filled with excessiony goodness. mmmm.

ooooookay.

what can i say about ben brown that hasn't been said before? he's unemployed (at present) and people love him. and you should, too.

(note that the preceeding was written at 6:20 this morning, so any lapse in humor can be directly attributed to the fact that i hadn't had my tea yet.)

the moon was beautiful this morning. it was a tiny little chunk of white, a partial circle surrounding a grey-blue early morning sky. i love it when it's like that.

and i found my hat in the car. oh frabjuous joy! my head was getting cold.

and two links, for those who've read this far. one. two.

i know it's three months late and a few hundred dollars short, but i've been thinking about this whole "death of irony" thing and i have to say "what?" irony is dead? i don't fucking think so.

consider this: there is a massive portion of the present generation that has made it their mission in life to gripe about those things that are wrong with life and the universe in general because they know that nothing they will ever say or do can change those things. this sort of impotence makes people sullen and angry and, because it usually happens with the younger crowd, they become disaffected youths. i'm sure you know someone like that. a coffeehouse comic, perhaps. me? sure, i'll cop to it. i know what's wrong, dammit. and i'm powerless to fix it.

but after the events of september 11th, everyone is like this. suddenly, the small corner that the angry, sullen youth of the world held onto tightly has become public domain. everyone is angry and sullen about things that they cannot possible change and are sullen (i love that word. can you tell?) about the fact that these things cannot be easily changed and probably not by the average man on the street. it's a new and different outlook. but the best part is the fact that being disaffected is now mainstream. everyone is doing it and not just the cool kids.

now tell me - if that's not irony, then what is?

anyway. rant over. time to talk about connections and coincidences.

another one of the people i discovered through halcyon is flare, who was living in san diego but moved back to the dc metro area earlier this year. now flare is a strange case to me. on the one hand, it's a testament to the internet that you can find people who grew up and live in your backyard but you would never, ever meet in real life. but there they are, living an interesting life. at the same time, though, flare is a private citizen, very much in a way that halcyon is not. i don't mean that she doesn't have a streak of the exhibitionist in her (very much the contrary).

instead, her sites give me the impression that she is speaking to a small audience and the rest of the lurkers just aren't there (or, if they are, she's not going to acknowledge them). in fact, i respect that privacy so much that i almost wasn't going to include her here. except that i read this and was totally blown away by the writing and had to share it. and that's what these profiles are all about, when it comes right down to it. these are people that affect me and i'd recommend to others, in much the same way that i'd recommend a good book or a great movie.

you know, i had all manner of interesting things to say this morning right up until the point where i opened this window up. then everything escaped - right out the window. the weekend was good. boisterous, but good. we had fun at the club and shannon got to demonstrate the breast and ass-grabbing combo position, which can win big points with the judges, especially if it's performed correctly. i, alas, was merely a viewer. don't get me wrong - it's always fun to watch a good combo like that being performed. it's just more fun when you can get some hands-on experience. learn from the master, so to speak.

everyone liked my t-shirt at catacomb, which is always gratifying. it's the one that says "don't but your hand where you wouldn't put your face, she said." and it's got a naked woman on the back. just so nobody gets left out. last week, when it was really nice outside, i wore that same t-shirt to the mall when we went christmas shopping. heh. that was fun.

i'm still building weapons of devotion. i got some stuff written on friday night, but nothing else all weekend. i'd belabor a metaphor, but i'll save myself (and you, constant reader) for the time being.

on to the links... in his turn, halcyon has introduced me to cap'n kaya, one of the funnier people i've read in a long while. he doesn't post every day and he doesn't write long, rambling things, but they're funny and to the point. it's like a quick bit of sherbert to cleanse the palate between courses in a meal. i appreciate that.

last night was christmas. my new james cd came and shannon gave me a sweater that she bought for me. the sweater makes me look like an art student from the sixties, but not in a bad way. besides, shannon thinks it looks good on me, so that's okay.

shan was watching run lola run on dvd last night so i went on the internet (i've seen the movie before and it was really something she wanted to watch anyway) and found an interesting interview with alan moore. what i like about alan moore - beyond his ability to out-write just about everyone - is the fact that he's so interesting. i mean, here's one of the most influential people in comics and he also happens to be a practicing magician. or maybe he's a practicing magician who also happens to be one of the most influential writers in comics. either way, he's always got something interesting to say. and he looks scary to boot.

its funny. i like the fact that the internet has this ability to provide almost immediate entertainment on almost any subject. i didn't sit down and think "hmmm. i'd like to read an alan moore interview," but that's what came out. and all i really did was follow my nose through the various links. i like that process a lot - following links. it is amazing to me that humanity can be connected like that. a short line of hypertext and you move from one person's version of reality to one belonging to someone else entirely.

halcyon is a good example of a reality that i stumbled upon entirely by accident. i don't remember how i got to jasper's page, but i do know that it was through jasper that i discovered halcyon and i've been hooked ever since.

why? because halcyon has an interesting view on life. he is overwhelmingly positive in outlook, which is refreshing. he has his ups and his downs, but somehow he keeps the sun shining, despite the clouds. and i respect that. i respect that a lot.

on top of that, he just redesigned his sites and i really like what he did with them.

one of the things i find interesting is that halcyon believes in the power of the internet to bring people together. i do, too, actually. the internet has provided me with enriching contacts that i would not have had otherwise. contact with people that i value. but, at the same time, i am not a fan of people, which seems to jar, somehow. or so it seems to me, until i realize that life is like that: we are all composed of differing beliefs that don't always see eye to eye. they clash and jostle for dominance and have uneasy truces and generally make bad neighbors. but they are all important, which is why we keep them around.

so, to sum up: i keep halcyon in my favorites because he helps reinforce the positive outlook on life that i often think that i've lost, for one reason or another. besides, his animation of sam donaldson (halfway down the page) just cracks me up. and there's gotta be something to that, right?

it's late in the afternoon (almost evening - the sun's going down now) and i'm writing up this entry now because i've got time to kill. the early morning entries are killing me because i never know what to say.

but i know what i want to say tomorrow right now. so here goes.

when i was making up my underworld tee shirts last week (wow. was that only last week?), i was trying to do something interesting for moaner. now, i like moaner. it's a great song with a catchy beat. but the best part is the words. i spent a whole day looking at those words and the more i looked at them, the more i started to understand what he was saying. or i approached understanding.

i think he's talking about phone sex that he's having with his girlfriend, who's in america. but there's someone else in the room. sort of the underworld equivalent of young lust by pink floyd, which is an odd thought.

what's more unusual than that, though, is that i'm starting to understand what he's singing about in other songs, too. now, don't think me crazy here. seriously. there are fragments from various conversations that bleed from one song to another. a whole sequence about a waitress and "she said" appears a lot. go. look at the words. tell me i'm not nuts. please?

even more ironic, of course, is my current sig line: Yet it approached the kind of meaning that an Ecstatic rave kid could tease from the lyrics of an Underworld song at 3 am – a dehydrated dervish caught up in the pulsating beat, hoping that the narrative is never brought up short. i know there's something wrong when i start to imitate my own fiction. pardon me while i give a little involuntary shudder.

not that it's cold or anything here today. in fact, it was beautiful outside. i didn't even need a coat when i went to the dot to drop off my twice-damned reports this afternoon. i did notice, though, that the courtyard at the dot now has some nice christmas lights. lit up during the day, mind you, when there's no one there to appreciate them. but i'll be they look nice in the twilight.

speaking of twilight, you're probably wondering why i'm still at work after the sun has set. "isn't that unusual for you, matt?" you ask. why, yes. yes it is. i'm here because. well, it's a secret. but when it's not a secret anymore, i promise that i'll tell you all.

and here we make the transition from people i've met on the internet into celebrities that i read regularly. jasper makes a good tranistion because i talk to him on occasion (and been in a column or two that he wrote, way back when i was married) and i also read what he has to write. mostly because it's funny, but there's more to it than that. he's like that crazy uncle who has the best stories and the ability to share the lessons that he's gleaned from those stories. i mean that seriously. besides, he's been on the gong show. how could you not respect a man who's met chuck barris?

so anyway. stop by his site. email him and make him laugh. and tell him i sent you.

wow. i'm just racking up the hits, aren't i? so many new readers! hello out there!

after yesterday's profile of jenna, she caved into pressure and started her own blog, which is a worthy enterprise and you should all visit it. every day. tell her matt sent you. while you're there, check out her vacation pictures. and dig andrew's groovy expression. now, if i could only get eccles to start up a blog, too...

and today we have carrie monster, one of the most awesome people in the world. i sometimes wish that she lived in dc instead of chicago, but then i remember that chicago needs her. it wouldn't be chicago without carrie and carrie wouldn't be carrie monster without chicago. (granted, she's still carrie monster when she comes to dc for a visit, but this is her home away from home, so that's okay.)

i've been writing every day to a friend that i remet at the reunion. this morning, we were talking about the word "conventional" as it relates to human beings and their goals in life. she said: so maybe I think conventional is striving for that finish line.

my reply:

there is something beyond that, but i don't know if i could put it into words. fuck it, why not try?

life isn't over until you die and if you spend your life just waiting, you might as well be dead. i'm not saying that to belittle your mother, but i find that lack of imagination to be deadening. i go to the mall because it's right across the street from me and i look for the interesting, the unusual anything that allows me to seperate from the monotony, even for a minute or two. that's an ongoing quest: entertain me, universe!

but i do not expect to sit at home and be entertained. at some point, i have to get out and interact, which is difficult because i hate people. correction: i hate stupid, boring, monotonous people who can't be bothered to think for themselves. (okay, so i guess i do hate people.) but the point is that i am not content to sit back and let life dictate terms to me. i refuse, on the basis that life doesn't know what my best interests are. i don't know what they are, either, but i have a feeling that they don't involve ceasing to think.

to be frank, i think that philosophy is an underrated field of study. a lot of stoners and college students engage their brains, to be sure, but not enough common people do. and that's a crime. i tend to think that life is about the ongoing pursuit of engaging our brains. evaluating, interpreting, gathering sights and sounds and experiences and striving to achieve happiness. i take it that extra step further and try and translate all of that into literature (or something that approaches literature).

but there is no finish line. or, if there is, i can't see it. i hope i never do.

i thought it was meaningful and thought-out (for an off-the-cuff reply), so why not share?

at any rate, there are some interesting things going on over here. this guy went to the same elementary school that i did. can you believe that? small fucking world, huh?

and today's profile is jenna, one half of the dynamic duo that is andrew and jenna (or cornelius and dr. zira, to some). they have pugs galore and they used to have wonderful parties in the backyard of stately kimberlin manor in scenic downtown alexandria.

not any more, though. andrew got a great job in san francisco and took his wife and pugs away from the party circuit, leaving a whole group of people without a backyard to party in. we've seriously thought about showing up at their old house (they still own it and are renting it out) and just having a party in the backyard anyway. "can we use your yard? thanks."

oh well. they'll be back in a year or two. but we miss them already. jenna doesn't have a blog, but she should. if only so we knew what she was up to.

what a weekend! what? a weekend? yes, yes. it was one of those weekends. you know the type. saturday was beautiful, with clear blue skies and lots of sunshine. catacomb was fun, what with shannon and i goofing around with our friends and people who would be friends, except that we don't know them that well. we are now part of the catacomb amateur boob-grabbing team, which i found enormously entertaining. we don't have a trainer yet (poor us) and we're still working on a motto. which one do you like best? "behold, the power of boobies." "two minds, one boob." "it's a boob thing, you wouldn't understand." this is important. (yeah, right.)

well, it was funny at the time. hell, put enough alcohol in someone and just about anything is funny, really.

i'm looking at getting my pictures organized right now. as of this morning's census, i have 410 images in my digital polaroids section (for a total of 17.5 mb) and 137 images in my right click section (for a total of 7.73 mb). those who can do the math in their head will discover that this means i have 25.2 mb worth of images. i want to put them all on cd, but a cd rom holds 650 mb and that seems like overkill to me. so much wasted space, frankly. maybe i should put a short movie on the cd, too? some songs?

profile time.

joe is a crazy man, but a very good friend of mine. he even designed my homepage, which was really nice of him, considering that he usually charges an arm and a leg for such high quality. he makes music and does various programming projects as they catch his fancy.

joe also does not have a blog, which is bad. if he did, i'd read it.